Wednesday, March 26, 2003
Well ladies and gentleman, it turns out that I have a pinched nerve in my left shoulder. The specialist I met with this morning felt around my back and told me that I am all jammed up. He said that I have knots upon knots in my back and that I need to start changing my sleeping and relaxation patterns. No more double pillows, that’s for sure. He said that I also need to find a way to relax, that most of the tension in my back is because of stress. Makes sense I guess. I mean, I did just move to Times Square, Rita did just leave, and the war is ripping my heart out, so yeah, thanks Dr. Swayzer, you are a genius.
I have stretching exercises that I need to do and I can take as much Aleve as necessary. When I asked about getting a prescription for a REAL pain reliever, he told me that I would have to go to my primary healthcare physician to get that. Harumph, I said. Harumph. But at least I feel better knowing that what is going on in my back is normal and not some alien tumor that would require weeks and weeks of intensive surgery. MMMMMMMMM….surgery. In some ways, that could be nice.
Despite my crumbling back, I managed to meet Mariah and Rachel out for a drink. I only stayed an hour, but found that vodka tonics and champagne cure all pain. I was laughing and moving my neck all over the place. Then as I stopped drinking, the pain came back and I made the girls take me home. I rewarded them with some marijuana and all was good.
SO! Paul and I have settled on a vacation place. We will be going to Freeport in the Bahamas! Whoo hoo! We put down our deposit today and will be gone from July 26th – August 2nd. I have decided to go to California sometime in September or October, depending on when my uncles are visiting the East Coast. Maybe Paul will even be able to go with me then. If not, I am still very excited to get out to San Francisco. And with my uncles paying for it all, who cares who goes? I got a ticket to ride dawg!
The condo we are staying in is beautiful. It’s a block from the beach and a block from nightclubs, an international bazaar for shopping and restaurants, restaurants, restaurants! There is even a place on site that allows us to swim with the dolphins. How could that be any better!?!?!
YAY! I have never been out of the country. This is my first attempt at being a traveler and I am most excited. Paul and I have been doing very well these days and that allows me to have some sense of relief when it comes to planning this adventure. We have had really good conversations lately and he has been actually “trying” to be a good boyfriend. I have not let any of his effort go unrecognized and when he gets stressed out and reverts back to his old ways, I take a step back and allow him to decompress.
We still have yet to dive into our physical relationship again, but I am hoping that that will pick up again in no time. Paul doesn’t like “touching” when we are angry with each other. And for the last 3 months, there has been a lot of anger. But since our huge fight a couple of weeks ago, he has been slowly making progress. And I am so much happier for it.
Mariah leaves for Florida next Wednesday. (sad face) She will be gone for a month! What am I ever going to do? I mean, I have 3 friends in the city as is, and now with her gone, I will have two. Heh heh heh doh. (sad face again) Mariah has decided to go home this weekend and in lieu of me having no life and constantly spending money, I have decided to do the same. (I get a free train ride out of the deal, cuz her dad has connections with Amtrak.) Last week, my mom was talking to me about my brother and the war and she had to get off the phone because she started to cry. She doesn’t like to break down about things that she knows I am struggling with, even though I want to be there for her as much as she always is for me.
So this weekend, I will be with her.
The minute I told her I was coming, she got off the phone, called my dad, and then called me back with minute by minute plans of what we would do. They want to play cards and drink on Friday and then Saturday we will go tanning, out to dinner and rent a movie. If possible, we may play tennis too, but with my pinched nerve, who knows about that? Maybe I will just sleep in late on Saturday so they can go play tennis. I’m not much for moving around when I don’t have to. (snicks) I haven’t been home since Christmas and I am sick with myself for that. My parents live for me to be home and I live for seeing them, so what’s been the problem? Ouch my back. Oh yeah, stress has been the problem.
So that’s that.
Ugh. I just got off the phone with Mariah. We had an intense discussion about Rachel that ended up with her in tears. I have a tendency not to hold back when I have an opinion on something and since Mariah cares so much about what I say to her, sometimes my honesty is a bit hard to bear. I just have a very hard time hanging out with Rachel and Mariah. Rachel spends the whole time telling Mariah that she is “stupid” “worthless” and “wasting her time”. My teeth gritted through most of the evening as I struggled not to vocalize the anger at Rachel that was steadily building in me all night long. A best friend shouldn’t tear down another best friend the way that Rachel does to Mariah. And really, this is just the beginning to how deep their problems go. Ultimately, Mariah got off the phone thankful that we had had the talk, but I still worry about her and her capability with dealing with someone who is as vicious as Rachel. Gosh, it’s tough. I just love her so much and hate to see her being treated poorly. Gosh, it kills me inside.
Okay, off to date night with Paul. As long as he doesn’t have to work tonight, we are planning on going out to a nice dinner in Chelsea. Last week’s dinner was great and I am hoping for some of the same. And I love being able to spend the night with just him. Our naked bodies writhing in oh yeah…no writhing.
Alright, time to go shit.
I have stretching exercises that I need to do and I can take as much Aleve as necessary. When I asked about getting a prescription for a REAL pain reliever, he told me that I would have to go to my primary healthcare physician to get that. Harumph, I said. Harumph. But at least I feel better knowing that what is going on in my back is normal and not some alien tumor that would require weeks and weeks of intensive surgery. MMMMMMMMM….surgery. In some ways, that could be nice.
Despite my crumbling back, I managed to meet Mariah and Rachel out for a drink. I only stayed an hour, but found that vodka tonics and champagne cure all pain. I was laughing and moving my neck all over the place. Then as I stopped drinking, the pain came back and I made the girls take me home. I rewarded them with some marijuana and all was good.
SO! Paul and I have settled on a vacation place. We will be going to Freeport in the Bahamas! Whoo hoo! We put down our deposit today and will be gone from July 26th – August 2nd. I have decided to go to California sometime in September or October, depending on when my uncles are visiting the East Coast. Maybe Paul will even be able to go with me then. If not, I am still very excited to get out to San Francisco. And with my uncles paying for it all, who cares who goes? I got a ticket to ride dawg!
The condo we are staying in is beautiful. It’s a block from the beach and a block from nightclubs, an international bazaar for shopping and restaurants, restaurants, restaurants! There is even a place on site that allows us to swim with the dolphins. How could that be any better!?!?!
YAY! I have never been out of the country. This is my first attempt at being a traveler and I am most excited. Paul and I have been doing very well these days and that allows me to have some sense of relief when it comes to planning this adventure. We have had really good conversations lately and he has been actually “trying” to be a good boyfriend. I have not let any of his effort go unrecognized and when he gets stressed out and reverts back to his old ways, I take a step back and allow him to decompress.
We still have yet to dive into our physical relationship again, but I am hoping that that will pick up again in no time. Paul doesn’t like “touching” when we are angry with each other. And for the last 3 months, there has been a lot of anger. But since our huge fight a couple of weeks ago, he has been slowly making progress. And I am so much happier for it.
Mariah leaves for Florida next Wednesday. (sad face) She will be gone for a month! What am I ever going to do? I mean, I have 3 friends in the city as is, and now with her gone, I will have two. Heh heh heh doh. (sad face again) Mariah has decided to go home this weekend and in lieu of me having no life and constantly spending money, I have decided to do the same. (I get a free train ride out of the deal, cuz her dad has connections with Amtrak.) Last week, my mom was talking to me about my brother and the war and she had to get off the phone because she started to cry. She doesn’t like to break down about things that she knows I am struggling with, even though I want to be there for her as much as she always is for me.
So this weekend, I will be with her.
The minute I told her I was coming, she got off the phone, called my dad, and then called me back with minute by minute plans of what we would do. They want to play cards and drink on Friday and then Saturday we will go tanning, out to dinner and rent a movie. If possible, we may play tennis too, but with my pinched nerve, who knows about that? Maybe I will just sleep in late on Saturday so they can go play tennis. I’m not much for moving around when I don’t have to. (snicks) I haven’t been home since Christmas and I am sick with myself for that. My parents live for me to be home and I live for seeing them, so what’s been the problem? Ouch my back. Oh yeah, stress has been the problem.
So that’s that.
Ugh. I just got off the phone with Mariah. We had an intense discussion about Rachel that ended up with her in tears. I have a tendency not to hold back when I have an opinion on something and since Mariah cares so much about what I say to her, sometimes my honesty is a bit hard to bear. I just have a very hard time hanging out with Rachel and Mariah. Rachel spends the whole time telling Mariah that she is “stupid” “worthless” and “wasting her time”. My teeth gritted through most of the evening as I struggled not to vocalize the anger at Rachel that was steadily building in me all night long. A best friend shouldn’t tear down another best friend the way that Rachel does to Mariah. And really, this is just the beginning to how deep their problems go. Ultimately, Mariah got off the phone thankful that we had had the talk, but I still worry about her and her capability with dealing with someone who is as vicious as Rachel. Gosh, it’s tough. I just love her so much and hate to see her being treated poorly. Gosh, it kills me inside.
Okay, off to date night with Paul. As long as he doesn’t have to work tonight, we are planning on going out to a nice dinner in Chelsea. Last week’s dinner was great and I am hoping for some of the same. And I love being able to spend the night with just him. Our naked bodies writhing in oh yeah…no writhing.
Alright, time to go shit.
